Thursday, March 1, 2012

Amabanga icumi yo kuzura umunezero mu rukundo

Mu gutekereza cyane ku buzima bw’abakundana, ndetse no kumara igihe kirekire akorana nabo, Daillaire Yvon, impuguke mu mitekerereze no mu buzima bw’ibitsina yagize icyo atangaza mu mabanga ahuriweho na benshi bafite urukundo ruryoshye baba ababana nk’umugabo n’umugore cyangwa se baba abatarashinga ingo ngo babane.

Nk’uko yabivuze, usanga ibyinshi ari ibintu bidakomeye na busa ariko ugasanga kutabiha agaciro bituma inkundo z’abatari bakeya zigwingira.

Dore we uko abona ayo mabanga ahambaye mu kuryoshya urukundo:

1. Kumenya uwo mukundana cyangwa mubana

Kimwe mu bintu bishobora kubangamira urukundo cyangwa se bikaba byatuma udakunda neza uwo mubana ni ukuba utamuzi. Nk’uko abahanga benshi babyemeza kutamenya umuntu ni kimwe mu mbogamizi zo kumukunda.

Haranira kumenya ibihe atajya yibagirwa mu buzima bwe, ibyo adakunda cyangwa ibyo akunda kurya, ibiganiro akunda bya radiyo cyangwa se television, amabanga yihishe mu mitekerereze ye, ibyo aha agaciro, ibimutera ubwoba, n’ibyo yizera kuzageraho.

Witegerereje neza wasanga ko ababana baryoherwa ari abakunda guhana amakuru cyane kuburyo buri umwe aba azi uko undi amerewe kandi bikaba inshuro nyinshi.

2. Ba umugwaneza imbere y’uwo wihebeye kandi umuhe agaciro

Abakundana baryoherwa usanga iteka ari abatifashisha amakuru bamenye ngo baterere agate mu ryinyo ahubwo baba ari abifashisha ayo makuru kugirango abafashe kwita kuwo bakundana. Guha agaciro uwo mukundana ni uburyo uba wemera ko afite uruhare mu munezero wawe bityo ugahora umurutisha abandi.

Ubugwaneza bwo ni ingenzi kandi ni ibanga rikomeye cyane iyo benshi babona umugabo nk’igikoko cyangwa umugore batinya bose batibaza uko abana n’umugabo cyangwa umugore we ariko iteka bagatungurwa no kubona babanye kandi babanye neza.

3. Murangamirane aho kugirango buri wese yirangamire

Ijambo kwirwariza ni ijambo ridakwiriye gusohoka mu kanwa k’abakundana. Niyo bose bakigendera ugomba kumenya kumuba iruhande. Ni ingenzi kumwereka ko umukeneye kuko uko umwereka ko umukeneye azarushaho kumva ko agufitiye akamaro atane no kugushyira hasi.

Kutaba nyamwigendaho rizaba nk’ibanga rikaza umushyikirano wanyu kandi ritume imibonano mpuzabitsina(ku bashakanye) irushaho kugira agaciro karenze ako guhuza ibitsina.

4. Wikigira kagarara

Kwanga guhinduka cyangwa se kwigira kagaraga cyane cyane mu gihe cyo gufata ibyemezo, usanga akenshi ari ingeso y’abagabo. Aha twakibutsa ko 81% by’abatandukana baba bapfuye ko umugabo yigize kagarara akanga guhinduka cyangwa guhindura ibyemezo.

Iyo mwumvikana mu gufata ibyemezo, biri mu bituma mubaho mwishimye nubwo hari ubwo hagira umwe bibabaza iyo hafashwe icyemezo gitandukanye nuko yabitekerezaga.

5.Gukemura ibibazo bikemurika

Mu mubano w’abakundana cyane cyane abashakanye usangamo ibibazo bitandukanye byo kutumva ibintu kimwe. Abakundana bahura n’amoko abiri y’ibibazo aribyo Ibibazo by’ingutu kandi bizahoraho mu mibanire yabo ndetse n’ibibazo bishobora gukemuka.

Ibibazo bidashoboka gukemuka byo ni nk’uko umwe aba akunda gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina cyane, mu gihe undi we atabikunda, cyangwa se umwe akaba atihanganira ikosa mu gihe undi we aba ari ntibindeba, umwe ugasanga ni umunyaburakari cyane undi ugasanga aratuje cyane.

Nk’ibyo rero ni ibibazo bidashobora gukemuka kabone nubwo mwaba mubyifuza kajana.

Aha ababana banezerewe ni ababasha kunezerwa mu gihe hari ibyo bibazo byangiza umunezero mu gihe ababana bazahazwa n’agahinda ari abananiwe kunezererwa no muri ibyo bibazo.

6. Kwitwararika ngo udasenyerwa n’ibi bikurikira:

  • Uburere bw’abana
  • Imikoreshereze y’amafaranga
  • Imiryango yo kwa so bukwe
  • Akazi
  • Igitsina
  • Akazi ko mu rugo

7. Haranira kugira imyumvire imwe n’iyuwo wihebeye

Iyi ngingo ya karindwi usanga ari isoko y’ibibazo mu mikundire ya benshi nubwo abayiha agaciro ari bakeya. Abakundana kugirango banezererwe bakwiye kumva ibintu kimwe nubwo mutabyumva kimwe ijana ku ijana.

Aha twatanga nk’urugero: Niba wanga imyemerere runaka mu by’iyobokamana ukaba uyanga urunuka, mu gihe ubanye n’uyifite bishobora kuzababera I kibazo mu gukuza urukundo rwanyu. Ni ingenzi guhuza inzozi kuko nk’abakundana iyo mufite nzozi zimwe murafatanya mukazazikabya.

8. Abakundana baryohewe usanga bagira byibura amasaha 5 yo kuba bari kumwe

Abakundana cyane cyane abashakanye ni ngombwa cyane ko bagira byibura hagati y’iminota ibiri n’ine yo kubazanya uko umunsi wagenze, bakagira igihe cyo kuganira birambuye ku tuntu dutandukanye two mu buzima, ndetse n’igihe byiburya cy’amasaha abiri n’igice mu cyumweru cyo kuba bari hamwe mu gikorwa kimwe. Bakaba basohoka cyangwa se bagasura abantu.

9. Kutumva amabwire

Amabwire ashobora kugira uruhare rukomeye cyane mu gusenya ingo. Aha ni ingenzi cyane kumenya ko iteka n’iteka abavuga bazavuga kandi ko bazaruha bigoranye.

10. Abakundana byaryohewe ni abadaha agaciro cyane gutotana babwirana amakosa yabo

Abanezerewe mu rukundo, si uko baba badafite inenge kandi zibonwa n’abakunzi babo. Nubwo tutabyita kurenzaho, iteka kwihatira kubona icyiza cy’uwo ukunda biraryoha kuruta gusuzuma witonze ibibi bimuriho. Ni ingenzi cyane kwihatira gushima no gushimira aho kunenga cyane kuko iteka kunenga biryana ku mutima.

Niba ukeneye byinshi kuri iyi nyandiko y’uyu muhanga, wasoma iki gitabo:

GOTTMAN, John M. et Nan Silver, Les couples heureux ont leurs secrets. Les sept lois de la réussite. Éd. JC Lattès, France, 2000, 281 p.

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